Peace Be Still

Setting up the electricity for my apartment, buying furniture for a new place, meeting new people, loneliness in a new city, fear over a new school year with new professors, new challenges, and new chapters. It's overwhelming. I don't know what my life will look like even a week from now and I deeply miss the friends and family that I love in the West as the reality of settling into a new life begins to hit me. It is enough for me to doubt both myself and God, "Is this what you really called me to? Maybe I heard you wrong?" These voices are already nagging at me. I mean the early bird catches the worm but this is freaking ridiculous. 

Don't you think it is a little bit crazy though? It has only been 3 days in a new state and I am already freaking out. I am out of my comfort zone and just as a small child cries out when he is uncomfortable, I do the same thing. I cry out to God to take the discomfort away. I am still here though. But in staying here, I see God working in little ways. Supplies from friends, finding a table and a couch incredibly cheaply, hearing God at church, and countless little things. They overwhelm my soul with the goodness of God and who He is. But my eyes shift focus. I see the possibility of more debt. I see the possibility of failing, of loneliness, of exhaustion, and my mind goes in to overload. 

But in the midst of the chaos of my mind, a small voice continually grows. This voice continually says, "Peace, be still." I ignore it and try to set up a shelf. The voice grows louder "Peace, be still!" I ignore it and begin to set up my electricity payments. The voice at this point has to yell, "PEACE, BE STILL!" And that's when I begin to see Him, through the chaos, I remember why I am coming here. It isn't for comfort or for happiness per say. It is to continually grow in my faith and prepare for the future that God has for me. So as I look over the cornfields on my balcony, I start to hear it again ever so quietly. "Peace, be still."