The past two weeks have been hellish to be blunt. Just a combination of family drama, heart sickness, and physical sickness. Throw that together with being in a very new area and this question comes to my mind...am I doing what God has called me to do? Are the choices I make what God wants me to do? My goal while here is to bring glory to God. I want to give it all to the one who gave himself for me. Every day, it is a matter of saying no to what I want and saying yes to what God wants.
I want to live the words of Paul every day. "As for me, my life has already been poured out as an offering to God. The time of my death is near. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, and I have remained faithful. And now the prize awaits me-the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will give me on the day of his return. And the prize is not just for me but for all who eagerly look forward to his appearing." (2nd Timothy 4:6-8)
My goal is to serve Christ. Even through the hard times. As of right now, my goal is to serve God to the absolute best He can do through me while here in Newberg, Oregon. Every challenge we face prepare us for an even more difficult challenge that we will face later in life. This terrifies me but it also gives me hope. God is walking me through this challenge. Sometimes he is dragging me. The verse in Hebrews gives me hope. "This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same testings we do, yet he did not sin." (Hebrews 4:15) Everything we walk through is something that he has walked through. He knows my hurts and my fears.
All I can say is, God this is my life. Here is what I have. I know its not a lot but I want you to take it. Send me where you need me. Be it here in America or across the seas in Myanmar or Kenya. I want to serve you even though I am not worthy to do so. Take my life all of it, the good the bad and the ugly. Use it for whatever you would have me do. Shine through me God. Just don't let me fall back into who I was.
Am I the only one who feels this? I don't think so. I think that there are a lot who want to serve Christ. Its whether or not we press on through those hard hours, days, weeks, months, or even years; that's what defines who we are. However, the nice thing is this...we don't press on alone.
