The Father of Chaos

There is so much confusion, so many lies, and so many scams in this world today. Everything from the media to our close friends, we are so bad at sorting through the mess and seeing the truth. What is truth? I love that question from Pilate right before Jesus is killed. How do we find truth in a world where lies and chaos are the norm?

My life for the last few months have been chaotic in so many ways. From family to school to my own personal life, I have had to process so many things and to throw it to God...but that is not something I do. There is this mentality in America (and elsewhere) to shoulder it by yourself and be the strong one. What happens though is that I find myself being incredibly weak. Weakness defines me, there is no way that I can stand up in my own strength and do what God has called me to...and that is humbling.

There is a verse that I have been reading lately, as I am sorting through this chaos, "Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you" (James 4:7). Life is full of confusion and Satan really enjoys that. He is the father of lies, the anathema of truth, and he loves it when we are confused. So when we face that confusion, do we really think it is from God? God does not put confusion in our lives, sometimes he gives us choices, but never confusion.

With that being said, to work through the confusion, humble yourself before God and resist the devil and the confusion. Make a choice, seek God, and glorify God, Because God is not the God of confusion or chaos, he is the God of truth and of knowledge. 

In the Night, My Hope Lives on

In the night my hope lives on. The night seems to be all around us. There is so much darkness and hurt in our world. The world seems to be going crazy and there is absolutely nothing we can do about some of it. In the night our hope lives on.

Why should we hope? Why should we ever dare to hope that things will be better than they are now? This world is a mess, life is terrifying, the world is a scary place but in the night hope lives on. The darkness has to go away eventually. The pain of childbirth for Mary gave way to a glorious day of new birth for humanity. The pain of the cross for Christ gave way to the glorious morning of the resurrection. In the night our hope lives on.

This idea of redemption and grace, that is what we have to hold on to for our hope to stay strong. That looks different to each person, for the prodigal son it meant coming home to his father and for Peter it meant following Christ with his whole life. Where have I let hope die in my heart and how do I get that back? I think, deep down, that it literally means that we take a chance, get a little bit messy, and make some mistakes. We take a chance on Christ, this God who is so much bigger than we are, and we show love to the people whom the night has taken over.

Hope lives on, despite the night, despite the pain, and despite the hurt. Hope lives on despite the cross, despite the shame, and despite the dark. Hope lives on, not because of what we have done, but because of what Christ has done through us. 

My Heart Cries Out

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do good things happen to bad people? Why do things happen period? I look at this world, and I see so much hurt. People are crying out in Ferguson, men and women die from ISIS, children die of starvation, families are broken, pain is rampant. I understand Solomon a little bit more when he says, "Vanity of vanities, everything is a vanity."

I hate this feeling of helplessness, hopelessness, and pain. Some days it is like someone tore a little part of my heart out and stomped on it. When I feel these overwhelming feelings, I run to God and sometimes I yell at him, "Why did you do this? Why is this happening?" Other times, I just want God to tell me that its all going to be okay. 

A few weeks ago I was introduced to the book of Job in a completely new way. It was a song, and I'll provide the link at the end of this post. But in the song, God is basically saying, "Where were you the day that I measured, sunk the base, and stretched the line over the earth and carved out its cornerstone." In a moment of clarity, it felt like God was directing this question at me, Where were you Jacob? Did you create the sun and the stars, tell the ocean where to stop, have I seen where the ocean starts, or do I know the intricacies of nature? Humbled, I sit down and listen instead of talk. 

It almost sounds rude, but it shows me something. I, Jacob Bush, am not the center of this universe. I, Jacob Bush, am not the center of salvation. But God chose me and loves me. So, these things that I speak of, I don't understand. I feel pain and sorrow, but God is bigger than that pain and sorrow and he is going to work through that. 

I have spoken of that which I don't understand. Things too wonderful for me. One of the most frustratingly beautiful passages of scripture I have ever read.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLf_Nlukra0

Beautiful Dreams

Its been a year, a year since I applied to go to Germany and work with Unterwegs. A lot has happened in a year. God has shaped my heart in ways that I never would have imagined. I feel fear though to, because once again, I face unknowns. 

I felt fear last year to. I had never left the country, I did not know the language, and I was not entirely sure of myself as I went into this. God placed me outside of my comfort zone in a big way and He is doing it again. As I look into this next year, I don't know what is going to happen. It looks like I will pursue a master's degree, but maybe that won't happen. What I do know though is that God is going to continue to work in ways that I cannot even imagine. Despite my fear. 

I don't feel brave at all. I feel like the brave people are the ones who are fighting diseases, fighting social injustice, fighting to defend others. I feel like I am the Bilbo Baggins of the 21st century. But that's okay, even a Baggins finds himself on the adventure of a lifetime. Its time for a new chapter, so as I look at this summer in Germany, and this last year in Boise, maybe its time to open up a new chapter of my life and let go of the old. 

I'm Feeling 22

As I am blaring Taylor Swift's song "22", it is finally hitting me: I am 22 years old. This is my last birthday at Boise Bible College, this was the year I went to Mexico with Newberg Christian Church, this was the year that God wrecked me at the International Conference on Missions and sent me to Germany. It has been one heck of a year but it has been one of the best years of my life. God has challenged me and grown me in ways that I never would have imagined. I am in love with the last year of my life and I am incredibly excited to see what happens within this next year.



In less than two weeks I will be attending ICOM again (brace yourself Ohio) and I am finishing up my last year here at BBC. I don't know what is going to happen, I could be on the mission field, in seminary, or something equally as exciting by this time next year. What I do know is this though, God is working something in me that I cannot even begin to imagine. It is terrifying to admit that I am not in control of my own destiny but I know that God is going to work some incredible things in my life but even more importantly in the lives of the people around me. I wouldn't be the man I am today if it weren't for the people that have poured into me.

Whether you are in Idaho, Washington, Oregon, the rest of the 50 states, Germany, Africa, or anywhere else in the world, God has used you to shape me in ways that I never would have thought possible and I am grateful. You have been a part of my life and that is something that I love.

As my 21st year wrapped up, I prayed a simple prayer. "God push me farther than you have pushed me before, break my heart for what breaks yours." Its probably one of the most dangerous prayers I have ever prayed but who knows, maybe this next year is going to be better than I ever could have imagined.

Facing the Future

Have you ever cliff jumped? Or bridge jumped? I have recently become a bridge jumper. What that entails is a group of students go to this bridge on the Greenbelt here in Boise and we jump into the water from about 20-25 feet in the air. For someone who has a really difficult time with heights this is thrilling, terrifying, and humbling all at the same time. When you make that jump, you know you have no control over what happens from that point on, I mean sure you can cannonball (not recommended) or jump straight in. But either way, you are going to hit the water. It all depends on how you hit the water. I feel that way about life right now.

I have just come back from an incredible adventure, which was thrilling, terrifying, and humbling, and now I am on the brink of another adventure. This May, I plan on finishing my degree at Boise Bible College and moving on in my life towards the mission field. Right now there are plenty of options, whether that is a Master's degree or working off my loans, but I know that jump is coming. I am standing on the side of the bridge trying to brace myself for the inevitable. The thing is though, once I jump, I know I am going to love it. I know that it is going to be the ride of a lifetime and God is going to do even more incredible things in my own heart than during my time at BBC. I guess its just time to take that plunge.

If you don't know this about me, I am a Doctor Who Fan. No, I don't think I have the right to call myself a Whovian (I am not obsessed with the show) but I think I can call myself a fan. The 10th Doctor, David Tenant has a famous line. This line occurs when you know serious stuff is about to go down and the whole story is about to change. 

Allonsy, to go, to run, to do something incredible. That's my interpretation of the word. Its also my interpretation of the world. I am coming to terms with the fact that the most courageous men and women this world has ever known never knew what was going to happen next...but they still jumped from the bridge. 

Allonsy, 

Jacob Bush

Pushing the Boundaries

It's never really the same. This idea that one place is home, that never really applies. There are places where we are more comfortable with than others but home is where you make it. I remember talking with a friend of mine on the Neckar river in Tübingen. We were discussing this concept of home and what it means to be truly home is to be content with where you are at. It doesn't mean you have to always love your home or even that continent, but it does mean that we should be content (Paul kind of hits on this in Philippians). It is a concept that I struggle to grasp more while in the states than when I was in Germany.

Home for me is being surrounded and loved by people the way God intended. That is just the way I am wired, I love people and I love being loved by people. So when I am surrounded by people like that, that place becomes home. For example, if Boise is a nice city and very beautiful and well kept. But if I was not loved by my friends here, I do not think I could consider it home. Right now there are several places I call home.

I have Boise, Idaho and my friends there. The people here have helped me grow and this city has helped me learn in ways that I never thought possible. God really has shown his goodness through the relationships that I have built and it is something that I will never forget. It is home to me.

Then I have Newberg, Oregon. Working in that city has some of my best memories, whether it is from working the fireworks tent during the hottest day of the year or going to a barbecue with wonderful people. The people there are some of my best friends and I don't think I could ever forget them. It is home to me.

Finally, there is Tübingen, Germany. I never thought I could call that city home. But as I grew to know the city and the people there I realized something...I love that city and I love the people there even more. Even though I only had the chance to spend 8 weeks there, I think this city will always hold a little piece of my heart. It is home to me.

Home to me is a place where I am loved and I love others (no matter how messed up we all are) and let God work through that. This idea of being content in whatever situation comes our way is really resonating with me and I think that by letting ourselves redefine what home means, we grow through that.

Re-Entry Shock and the World

It's been more than a week since I left Germany and almost a full week since I left Debrief at Indianapolis and let me tell you it has been a tough week. As I look at the Summer and what God has done both through my own brokenness and the people around me I am left in awe that a God so big would use someone like me...and yet here we are.

Trying to adjust to everyone speaking English fluently, large grocery stores that intimidate me, and small town life in Washington (I still have two weeks until school starts) is not easy. It reminds me of my first few weeks in Germany, I felt like an outsider. I didn't know the lifestyle or the language or the fact that grocery store clerks generally don't talk to you a lot (that led to some awkward situations). It is a bit overwhelming because I never thought that I would be bored of life in America. It's like all of my life I have had this stamp across my heart that says "America" on it. I can't say that anymore because on my heart there are three stamps, "America", "Germany", and "Mexico" (Spring break trip). I love being back here in America but I also think that a part of me (albeit a tiny part) will always be with my friends in beautiful Tubingen.

I suppose that is good though that I feel this way towards Germany. In my heart it will always be a beautiful memory of growing through the brokenness, seeing myself the way that God sees me, and becoming friends with some of the best people in the world. I suppose each of the interns this summer would feel that way though. Whether they were with me in Tubingen, Mexico City, Nairobi, Chiang Mai, or elsewhere, each of these countries has left a tiny imprint on our hearts in such a way that we can no longer view the world through the eyes of an American. We have to see the world as God sees it, one big world filled with people that he loves.

It is kind of liberating really with a load of responsibility. We are free to see the world the way God sees the world, with love and urgency. Love because each and every person in the world needs freedom, freedom from ourselves and from our sinful natures. Urgency because there are so many people who don't know that freedom. This is a verse that is kind of cliche...but that doesn't make it any less true. "How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of the messenger who brings good news, the food news of peace and salvation, the news that the God of Israel reigns" (Isaiah 52:7). I showed love in Germany, now I have to show love in America...I guess its time for the next adventure.


Until Next Time,
Jacob Bush

Saying Goodbye

Well guys, its almost here. This is my last blog post from Germany and I leave for Indianapolis on Wednesday! I am so excited to be home and to see my friends and family but I am also incredibly sad to leave. God has done some incredible things here and there is a big part of me that does not want to leave. But I wanted to take a second and give out some thank yous.

First off, to my team back home. From my friends and family to my supporters and prayer partners. You all have been such a huge part of my time here and I can never begin to thank you enough for allowing me to experience this summer and work alongside Unterwegs. It has been an incredible summer and I am so grateful for you being able to experience this with me. You are all incredible people and I hope that God continues to do amazing things through all of you.

Secondly, to the Unterwegs staff here. You guys have been amazing to work with. You each have wonderful talents and abilities and I only got to see them over eight weeks. You have come alongside the entire intern team and treated us like we were a part of your team. You are incredible and I hope that we will see each other again!

Third, to my intern team. Julie, Nathan, Michaela, Aaron, and Bekah. You are all amazing people to work with, I want you to know that. You each have incredible gifts and talents that God has been using in you and will continue to use in you. While we have had our rough days, we have come through it together and I could not ask for a better team to work with. I will miss you guys dearly and I cannot even imagine having to go back to life in the Northwest without you guys around me.

Finally (I know we are almost there), the students who are here in Germany are fantastic. They are wonderful humans and I wish that I could stay with them or that they could come home with me. Words cannot describe how awesome each of you all are and I will not try to do so, just know that I love you guys and hope that I get to see you again.

This week has been a series of highs and lows, I have been able to start getting excited about going home and seeing my friends and family. I also got to visit Heidelberg for a debrief session with some of the Unterwegs staff (Tony and Emily, you rock). Seriously, Heidelberg is one of the most gorgeous German towns I have been to, its so full of life and culture. I wish I could have spent a little more time there.


But its also sad. I attended church here in Germany for the last time today, I am saying my goodbye to people who have been a part of my life for the last 8 weeks, and I am dreading Wednesday morning (jet lag wrecks havoc on my immune system). God has taught me so much this summer and I have learned far more than I have taught. I suppose that is how it generally works though isn't it?

I will never forget this Summer and the people who made it so special to me. You are loved and I will miss you all.

Until Next Time,
Jacob Bush

Further Up and Further In

There is a quote towards the end of one of C.S. Lewis's best books called the Last Battle. The quote goes like this, "'I've come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now...Come further up, come further in!" That's how I have come to feel these last few weeks. No, not about Germany. Germany is not my home (that may change one day, that may not I'll keep you posted on that). Germany is a wonderful place along the way and so is Idaho. They are both incredibly beautiful places filled with people who mean the world to me...but they are not home.

Throughout this life, I think we get this idea that if we can get to one particular spot then we will be happy and that everything will come along easily to us and that we won't have any troubles. That looks like a lot of things, whether that is in relationships, money, or our heart's desires. I wouldn't have admitted it to myself, but I felt that coming to Germany was going to be a fairly easy transition...yea that was not the case (if you don't believe me take a look at some of the previous blogs). It was easily the most difficult thing that I have ever faced. In the tears, the sadness, the hurt, the joy, and the laughter, I knew that I needed to be here even when I did not want to be. I had this idea in my head that once I came to Germany everything would go smoothly and that God would do amazing things...God has done amazing things, but not in the way that I would expect him to do so (It kind of works out that way doesn't it)

When things began to be difficult, I started to tear myself down. Why wasn't I good enough to live here? Was I a failure? This continued off and on for several weeks. I felt discouraged and depressed some of the time and overjoyed and excited at other points. Slowly but surely, God has shown me that to follow Him where I need to be requires a huge dosage of grace and a lot of love. When God came to this world, He did not come with fire and brimstone but love and compassion. That's who I want to serve. So, as I go through this last week and a half (I know crazy right?) I want grace. Grace for myself, that when I mess up and make mistakes, its okay. Because to be home is to be in God's grace. It is not a place, it is grace.

Further up and further in, to the arms of God I will go. As I serve and live in Deutschland or the States, in his grace I will be blessed. Not for my glory, not for my praise, but for the grace that God freely gave. When I who was dead and cursed, found in God my second birth.

Further up and further in,
Jacob Bush

The Adventure Inside

Have you ever had one of those experiences that you can't explain? One that shakes you to your core and makes you question who you are? That was me this last week. When I first came to Germany, I never thought that those deep dark fears would ever come back up again. Why would they? I'm strong and powerful enough to handle this on my own...nope. I would wrestle with the pains of my past, whether that is rejection, humiliation, shame, guilt, pride, lust, and so many other things. I see these parts of my past, and I tell myself that I have them under control, those things no longer affect me...yea, that's not the case. All of these things came roaring back into my life this past week. I felt so worthless in so many ways. I wondered why God would even use someone like me ever. How can I show the love of God to anyone if I can't even show love to myself? No matter what encouragement people would show me, I would reject it because I was so caught up in how worthless I felt. I questioned every part of who I was and it was a pretty sad little picture...and God completely shattered that. 

In Psalm 42, David cries out saying, "Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again- my Savior and my God!" That's how I felt, if I had a conversation with my heart it would have gone something like this.

Me: Hey Heart, how you doing?

Heart: Eh, I'm okay, been really sad lately.

Me: Why are you so sad?

Heart: Well, remember that stupid thing you did 10 years ago? 5 years ago? 1 year ago? *Insert every stupid thing I ever did* I feel worthless because of all of that.

Me: Well now I'm sad. Thanks a lot. 

At the end of the Psalm, David changed the tune a bit though. He spends most of this song saying why am I sad or this really sucks where are you God? At the end of that Psalm though, he says, I will put my hope in God. I will praise Him. I think that is really powerful. I love the way that he does not keep the song sad but that he adds a little bit of hope to the end of it.

I try to live my life with this concept of life is an adventure. While we like to focus on the dragon slaying, treasure hunting, and elves in the adventure, we forget about the dark parts. Every adventure has its dark parts (spoilers ahead you have been warned I am letting out my inner nerd): In the Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe when Aslan died and Susan and Lucy were lying besides him, everything appeared hopeless. When George Lucas made the horrible love story between Padme and Anakin in Star Wars Episode 2 everything appeared hopeless for the most epic saga ever. When Gandalf died in the fight with the Balrog, everything appeared hopeless. Are you noticing a pattern? There are going to be days when everything appears hopeless. Whether it is because of loneliness, being in a foreign country, or feeling like a little hobbit against the world, adventures are not always easy. The question that we have to face is what we do with the adventure in front of us.

I have made my choice. That choice is to keep going, after the death of Aslan there was the resurrection of Aslan, after the horrors of Episode 2 there was Episode 3, after Gandalf the Grey there was Gandalf the White, and after the darkness of night there is the sunrise of the dawn. For me that sunrise was deciding to focus my eyes on who God is, to stop wallowing in self pity and instead to see just how remarkable and amazing He is. As it turns out, the adventure is never about the treasure anyway, its about the change inside. 

Until Next Time,

Jacob Bush

The Party Don't Start Till I Walk In (Or get lost in the woods)

So, last night I was going to celebrate the fourth of July by blowing things up with good friends, however, I had already set up a Skype session with a good friend and mentor back home. So naturally, I tried to find the party afterwards. The part that I forgot though was that the party was fairly deep in the woods, in Germany, at night. I thought, "I can find this. Let's go!" So I took the bus to the French Quarter of town (with no incidents) and tried to find this party in the woods...I got lost. I could see the fireworks in the distance and heard the laughter so I tried to make my way in that direction and I ended up on a trail in the middle of the woods with little animals scurrying about giving me a heart attack every 5 seconds. I thought about calling them and then I realized that I left that form of communication back at Unterwegs. So I was for all intents and purposes stuck in the woods with no phone and the phone I did have (that I can't use to call people without being charged like a bajillion dollars) was running low on battery and that was my flashlight. I felt like I was in the middle of a slender man game (If you don't know this look up the Tobuscus Play Through of a Slender Man Game on Youtube its funny). I eventually made it out of there in one piece so that was thrilling. With that being said though (Yes this is not the end of the story, stick with me though I promise it gets better), my friend who was hosting the party told me the next morning that this particular forest still had some French land mines active. So to summarize, I was walking around the forest with no means of communication, with a dying flashlight, trying to find friends who I knew were nearby, without realizing that a potential danger could be looming.

While that may sound terrifying, I was on a trail for most of that time (only a few minutes where I lost sight of the trail) and the areas where the mines are thought to be have signs all around them. So I wasn't ever in any real danger (though it does make for a fantastic story). The reason I tell this story (besides the obvious hilarity that ensues from your reading this) is that I think this is really similar to what life looks like for everyone who walks around. We wander around in the dark thinking that everyone around us has it all together based on their laughter and fireworks while we are trying to find out where everyone is and how they got there. Our batteries are running low, we are frustrated and we want to go home. One of the things I like about Unterwegs is that it means "Along the Way." Along the way really describes where we are at, whether we are there (or think we are there) or know that we have no idea what we are doing.

When Jesus says, I am the way the truth and the life. He did not say how messed up the path would be, or how hard the truth is to face, or how difficult life can be. He just said that He is the path to take. We are all still going along the way in life and in all reality none of us have made it to the end of that path because we are dumb and in the middle of the forest in Germany at 11 PM with an almost dead battery and Slenderman is waiting around the corner to grab you. Not that I have personal experience with that or anything. Keep going along the way.

See you Guys!
Jacob Bush

Journeys in Grace

Grace is a funny concept, I feel like whenever grace is mentioned it always has to do with Jesus having grace for us or for us to have grace for the people around us when they hurt us. Very rarely do I ever hear people say that you have to have grace for yourself. This concept of forgiving ourselves and not carrying guilt can be incredibly elusive, at least to me. Elusive that is, until I came to Germany.

Unterwegs is a community based on grace, grace for one another and grace for themselves. If I could choose one word that has defined my summer so far it would be (you guessed it) grace. It means to let go of the guilt that we place on ourselves or the expectations that we place on ourselves. In the words of the great theologian Elsa from Frozen we have to let it go because we can't hold it back anymore. We cannot hold grace back anymore because of the grace that has been given to us. We don't conceal or don't feel...we forgive.

I feel guilt pretty regularly, whether it is for things that I said (or didn't say), things that I did (or didn't do), or if I am just having a cruddy day. I am being reminded though of a simple question, "How can we hold grudges against ourselves or other people when God already forgave that?" If God has already forgiven me and others than I need to forgive them. If I do not forgive then I say that God was wrong to forgive me or them. Unterwegs continually shows me grace despite my weaknesses and I want to show that grace to the people around me, whether in Germany or America. That is what the Gospel is all about, whether you are serving children in Africa, pastoring a church in America, working a job in Germany, or strolling the streets of Tokyo. Christianity is showing the truth, in love and grace through the words we say and the actions we use.

These last few weeks have had an incredible impact on my life. I have wrestled with every emotion I think possible, grown more in the last 3.5 weeks than I have in the previous 3.5 months, and have developed friendships with people that I know will last for much longer than just this summer. The most profound impact  as I have said is this crazy concept called grace. It is interwoven into every aspect of life here and it is something that I am continuing to learn. As I continue to learn, I want to seek Christ in every way imaginable, so that I can be more like Him everyday. So until next time, have grace for yourself and the people around you.

Jacob Bush

Find the Story

These last few weeks have been an incredible experience for me as I cry, laugh, shout, yell, and inevitably run from zombies in a church at midnight. I don't know what God has in store for me as I face the remainder of this summer but I know that He is good and that He loves me (despite the fact that the zombies got me in church).

This last week has been incredible, I have been able to meet so many new people and hear so many new stories and I wish you could get the chance to know them. They are incredible people with beautiful stories. That fact is what hit me on Wednesday night. I was walking around Tubingen and I was getting to know different people and hear their stories, and I realized that each and every person around me has a story that is completely different from mine in some ways and very similar in other ways even though we are from different corners of the world. It is a little bit mind boggling when you try and put it all together.

The men and women here have become very important to me in only two and a half weeks and I cannot imagine leaving them at the end of the summer (so I am not going to think about it). But this short amount of time has encouraged me to think about the stories of the people around me and my own story. What do our stories look like? Do they have a theme song (Mine would probably be either Shakira's This Time for Africa or Pompeii by Bastille)? Is their story just beginning or coming to a close? Wherever you are people have a story to tell and I think that these stories all point back to the fact that God is there through the good times and the bad times. Through the culture shock and the triumphs. You are the star of your own story as it is written by the hand of God. So, I suppose the question I ask myself today, "What will my story look like this summer" and "What will my part be in other people's stories?"

I want my story this summer to be filled with grace and love towards the people around me, deep friendships, and maybe a couple of dragons (What is a good story without a dragon). Most of all though, I want to grow in knowledge of who Christ is and of his love for me and the people around me. Nathan Fillion said it best in Castle with his line "I'm in it for the story."

This Crazy Adventure

Over these last few weeks as I see my life flash before my eyes and a new one unfold right before my feet, I wonder to myself, "How the heck did I end up on this sort of adventure?" I look at the people that I have met here in Tubingen, my friends back in Boise, the other interns scattered throughout the world (on adventures of their own no less), my friends in Newberg and Arco, and I wonder to myself, "How did I get dragged into this crazy adventure?" I am not the same man I was two weeks ago. Over the last two weeks, I have laughed, cried, and felt just about every emotion that God has allowed man to feel. But as I look around me, I know that I am right where I need to be. Yes, I am scared. I feel the depths of loneliness in this new culture, I've wallowed in self pity (generally during the culture shock phases), and I have felt my own insecurities rising up around me. But through it all, what I see is not my own insecurities or pain. No, as I look, I see that God is doing something incredible in the lives of His people including me.

This last week, I have had the opportunity to become better acquainted with Unterwegs and what they do. It was kind of our orientation week because all of the students were out on a holiday week (I think it had something to do with Pentecost), so we got a crash course in Unterwegs history and practicalities. I learned how to shop in a Walmart sized German store (which was entertaining to say the least), how to run some events, and what Unterwegs is all about. This was all fantastic, but there was a part of this trip that affected me even more.

You see, we were given a lovely tour of Tubingen by some of the students who stayed in town during this holiday. It was a beautiful tour and these two did a fantastic job. But as we were exploring the town, we stopped by a church. Now this church, it is pretty old (like built in the 1100s old) and we decided to explore it. As we explored it though, I was struck with this realization though that the faith once held by many in this church is not something that is held by many today. It made me sad, sad that God's love is not felt by the ones who need it most. It continues to make me sad and I hope that this love continues to change the world.

We also explored an old castle and village in Tubingen which was incredible. I literally could feel the history of the place around me. The fact that people have lived their lives there for hundreds of years was incredible to me and it was humbling as well to know that life had gone on for hundreds of years before me and would continue to go for hundreds of years after me. It reminds me of the fact that I am not that big of a deal, so I need to get over myself.

Of course, one of the biggest international competitions of the year (besides the Olympics) has started this last week, that's right, the World Cup. It is such an incredible opportunity to sit with other people and watch one of the best sports in the world. Really, it is just a good time to get together with friends (whom I had no idea existed about 3 weeks ago) and eat and drink. It is a fantastic time that I would not trade for anything. Though I have to say, the Spain and Netherland's game was really sad for me, I was rooting for Spain and they got their butts kicked.

This last week has been incredible, getting to know these people, cheering for our teams in the World Cup, touring Tubingen, and learning about what God is doing in Germany. I hope to have more to show you guys as the weeks go on, but right now, I want to give you a glimpse into what God is showing me.

As I have followed God, I realized this week that I see God as an angry father. In my head I know that this is not the truth, but my actions show otherwise. This was pointed out to me by one of the Unterwegs team members, he encouraged me and told me "You being here is good enough. We need Jacob just as he is right now." What that means is, I do not have to complete a check list for God to love me anymore than he already did. When everything I did was contrary to who he was, God still loved me. Being here and being filled with grace and love is what God wants me to do. That's what he wants you to do as well, so if you are reading this, show love and grace to the people around you, whether you are in America, Germany, Kenya, Thailand, or Guatemala (You get the idea). Show love to the people around you and be filled with grace, because God showed grace to us first.

Until Next Time!

I will call upon your name

This is a longer post today, just a warning. 

As I look at this last week and a half I realize one very important thing: culture shock is tough. When I came here I did not think that I would struggle too badly because Europe and America are similar in many ways. Never have I been so wrong.

It has been a hard transition these first few days as I see God working in me in ways that would have broken me even a year ago. God has placed good people around me though as guides in this process.

First my intern team has been incredible. These men and women have blessed me in ways I did not think possible. They have shown God's love through both actions and words and I could not do this without them.

Second, the Unterwegs team in general has been fantastic. They had us go in a trial by fire these past few days but all of us knew we had them to fall back on as we experienced a new culture. They have been incredibly good to us and I am grateful for each of them and the work that they have already done. 

Third and finally, the people back home have been fantastic. Your prayers and encouraging facebook messages have been more than appreciated. I cannot express enough that I would not be the man I am without you ladies and gentlemen.

So I suppose you are wonderig what exactly I have done these last few days. Well here you go.

We landed on Wednesday morning and we went full speed ahead all day. We were introduced to some of the team and what they were about at Unterwegs.  (You all should check out Globalscope and what they do it is pretty fantastic). After a long and exhausting day I began to experience little pieces of culture shock. It was kind of rough but I pressed on.

The second day I learned how to grocery shop in Germany. This was probably one of the more terrifying experiences of my life as you are expected to bag your own items as every one behind you on line watches you...I felt like Atlas with the weight of the world (or in my case the groceries) on my shoulders. But I got to hang out with students later on for Donnerstagabend. That is basically a thursday night hang out time where we have a lesson and some songs. So overall it was a good day plus I got to try German bread.

Finally, we went to the Black Forest for a weekend retreat.  Even though I caught a cold I definitely felt that this was one of the most exciting experiences thus far. Relationships with people were built, trails were hiked, smash face was played, and I grew up.

You see God and I had a wrestling match and well I lost. But unlike my namesake from the Bible I get to keep my hip. By friday night, between feeling ill and the full blast of culture shock, I told God that he chose the wrong guy to come to Germany.  Surely there were better people than me to love and send. After my rant, God spoke very quietly but very firmly: I chose you for a reason straighten those weak knees and lets go. I love you but you have lost focus.

After that my time has gotten better despite my cold. I have realized that God raises those up who rely on his strength it is not about how strong I am but about his strength in me. I will call upon his name even though the waves surround me, the whirlwind englufs me, and the fire embraces me. I will listen for his voice in the tiniest whisper.

Keep me in your prayers as I face this summer with renewed passion and vigour.

Jacob Bush