Mystery

Sherlock Holmes. Whether we are discussing Benedict Cumberbatch's high functioning sociopath, Robert Downey Jr.'s quick witted and ridiculous Sherlock, or the original Sherlock from Arthur Conan Doyle, every one of his adventures revolves around the idea of mystery. 

Something has happened. It is huge and terrifying but it can also be magical. The reason I say magical is because of the efforts of the human mind. We long to comprehend, to understand, to grow deeper in our knowledge. Sherlock shows this through his actions and his attitudes, he comprehends the problem and does everything in his power to solve the crime.

Do we treat God like a mystery? Trying to comprehend the mystery of God is like trying to unravel wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey, stuff. At least that is how it feels to me. I am here for the ride and to see where God takes me after these next four years here in Illinois. I hope to grow so much closer to him and to see how he works in my life. But right now, I see the mystery of God and in that I see his beauty. 

Do you see the beauty in the mystery? When you hear the word beauty what do you see in your mind? For some it may be a man or woman. For others it might be a picture in nature, a city that they love, or perhaps their family. 

Right now though, I see this. Look at it. It is right there on the left hand side. Do you see it? Isn't it gorgeous? Maybe you aren't a galaxy kind of person. Okay take a look at this nebula. What beauty and magnitude captured in one photo! It is incredible! What? That isn't doing it for you? Well, let's try one more.

This place right here, it is called Cathlamet Washington, its a nice place to relax. Very small, not a lot of people there. But it has beauty in and of itself. The river here flows on into the Pacific. The mountains rise in the distance. It is beautiful and I love it very much for its peacefulness and its serenity. 

I can hear you saying it in your mind, "Okay, Jacob, what's your point?" My point is this, despite the mystery and the grandeur of God. Let's take a moment to just sit and rest in the beauty of who he is. Take a moment from your cell phone, from your computer, from your schedule, from your anger, from your pain, from your eating disorder, from your pornography, from your broken marriage, from your (fill in the blank here). 

Enjoy for just a moment, the mystery of God, the beauty of God, and the love of God. Maybe it is a foolish approach, maybe I am simpleminded. But I also think, God calls us to Him, he just wants us to say "Dad, I need you."

As my first month in Illinois ends. I am thoroughly convinced that God through all of this has called us to appreciate his mystery and his beauty. 

From the cornfields (and humidity),

Jacob

That Inner Strength

Don't give up, keep going, and keep on keeping on. These are all wonderful sayings, but they don't fill that void we feel does it? What do we do when we want to just give up and go home? You know that feeling. That darkness you feel creeping over your heart like a shadow. The shadows grow darker and greater as you realize more and more that you are completely out of your element. You shouldn't be here, go back to Idaho, give up on this. See the people you love in the West, the mountains, the trees, and where you grew the most.

Those voices grow louder and louder as time gets on, you hear them don't you? Everyone I have ever met has heard those voices at least once. I hear those voices of self-doubt, loneliness, and exhaustion almost everyday. The hustle and bustle of moving to a new place really starts to wear you down after a few weeks. You don't know what to do with yourself really. You know that you have purpose, you have meaning, and you have worth. These things that we know and we have to yell out loud just so we remember that its true...

Taking a leap of faith, moving from one life to another, is exhausting and terrifying. I feel like Walter Mitty most days. I daydream and think about what I want to do and what I want to say but I never have the courage to say it, or the courage to do it...but now I have it and I do it.

With all of this being said, I am still exhausted and embracing a new life. On top of all of that, I am fighting a cold (which is the devil plague FYI). The only thing that I can say to people going through a leap of faith is to enjoy the little things. Somebody recognizing you in the local coffee shop or grocery store. That 10 minute walk across a field to go to work where you can see God in the sunset or lose yourself in the beauty of Creation. You won't embrace a new place in a few weeks, it takes time, but see what you are, and see what you want to be. Take a deep breath, and when you are ready...jump. 

Transitions, Homesickness, and the Goodness of God

The most difficult thing to experience, in my personal opinion, is being away from the people you care about. That is unfortunate for me, because I have people I care about in southern California, in Washington, Idaho, Oregon, Louisiana, Germany, and elsewhere. But now, I am beginning to care about people in Illinois. To develop relationships and friendships here. That doesn't make the homesickness go away, it doesn't make me miss mountains any less, but it does show me the goodness of God. The God of relationships, I mean, at the end of the day, that is a huge part of what He is about isn't it? The relationship between us and Him, once severed now made whole. The relationship where we were once lost but now we are found. Its that relationship that gives me the encouragement to get up and keep going. Its that relationship that makes the transition easier and the homesickness a little bit better. This is what makes me excited to stay here in Lincoln, and begin to see what new adventure this will be and what that will begin to look like as I seek to serve in Illinois. 

Peace Be Still

Setting up the electricity for my apartment, buying furniture for a new place, meeting new people, loneliness in a new city, fear over a new school year with new professors, new challenges, and new chapters. It's overwhelming. I don't know what my life will look like even a week from now and I deeply miss the friends and family that I love in the West as the reality of settling into a new life begins to hit me. It is enough for me to doubt both myself and God, "Is this what you really called me to? Maybe I heard you wrong?" These voices are already nagging at me. I mean the early bird catches the worm but this is freaking ridiculous. 

Don't you think it is a little bit crazy though? It has only been 3 days in a new state and I am already freaking out. I am out of my comfort zone and just as a small child cries out when he is uncomfortable, I do the same thing. I cry out to God to take the discomfort away. I am still here though. But in staying here, I see God working in little ways. Supplies from friends, finding a table and a couch incredibly cheaply, hearing God at church, and countless little things. They overwhelm my soul with the goodness of God and who He is. But my eyes shift focus. I see the possibility of more debt. I see the possibility of failing, of loneliness, of exhaustion, and my mind goes in to overload. 

But in the midst of the chaos of my mind, a small voice continually grows. This voice continually says, "Peace, be still." I ignore it and try to set up a shelf. The voice grows louder "Peace, be still!" I ignore it and begin to set up my electricity payments. The voice at this point has to yell, "PEACE, BE STILL!" And that's when I begin to see Him, through the chaos, I remember why I am coming here. It isn't for comfort or for happiness per say. It is to continually grow in my faith and prepare for the future that God has for me. So as I look over the cornfields on my balcony, I start to hear it again ever so quietly. "Peace, be still."

For Dancing and the Dreaming

Before we go anywhere, there will be spoilers for How to Train Your Dragon 2, so you have been warned.

In that movie, there is one of the happiest and saddest scenes ever. Stoick (Hiccup's dad) and Valka (Hiccup's mom), have found each other after many years. They re not entirely sure what to do with one another. To break the tension, Stoick starts singing this song to his wife.

I'll swim and sail on savage seas,
With never a fear of drowning
And gladly ride the waves of life
If you would marry me
No scorching sun nor freezing cold
Will stop me on my journey
If you will promise me your heart

The song continues with the both of them singing and dancing in such a way that we forget the rest of the movie. We forget they have a crazy enemy who wants to take over the world and kill them. We forget the years of hurt that each of these individuals have faced. All we know at that point is the dancing and the dreaming of these two who are so deeply and madly in love that they will do whatever it takes to keep one another safe, including die.

I wonder what relationships in my life look like that. If I compare any of my relationships to dancing, what would they look like? What would be the steps in that dance? Can we even dance?

I heard a sermon at church last week that talked about being in a dance with God. He said that when both people try to lead in a dance, you don't get a dance you get a wrestling match. That's what happens when we struggle and try to lead in our dance with God. It turns into a wrestling match, very similar to Jacob in the Bible. He struggled and wrestled with God but he finally let God lead. I feel like I am stepping into the exact same spot right now.

I leave for Illinois in two weeks on Friday. The fear of the unknown has gripped my heart. The fear of failure speaks to me every day. The fear of difficulty screams at my soul. But I step out. And I hear the song again, but it is a little different.

I'll swim and sail on savage seas.
With never a fear of drowning
And gladly ride the waves of life
If you would follow me.

Do you hear that music in your own soul? The song is starting and it is time to dance. 

Transition

I do not do well with transition. Whether it is a major life decision or waiting for my flight in an airport. They make me nervous because there is nothing that I can do to make the transition any easier. The flight will take off and land in its own time,God will move and work in His own time. Yet here I am, and I am waiting. See, this summer, many of my friends and acquaintances have this opportunity to work and explore different countries (something that I have grown to love). Meanwhile, I stay here in Boise and have just begun a night job (which is an experience in and of itself). But I find myself wanting to go, and getting restless here. It is a time of transition as I get ready for the next step that God has set forth. 

Yet I am restless, struggling with discontent in the fact that I have to stay here. I think of the things that I could be doing around the world, meeting new people, seeing new places, showing God's love around the world. Do you hear the irony? I want to do those things throughout the world, but I am discontent in doing that here. God is transitioning me for the next step and I am impatient. 

But this transition isn't as a master and a servant, with the master just ordering the servant to do this. It is as if He is coming alongside like a loving Father teaching his child how to ride a bike. You learn and start to ride on your own for but a minute, and you find yourself lying on the side of the road with a bloody knee. The Father picks you up, dusts you off, and with a smile on his face says "Are you ready to try again?" 

See, there is grace in our paths. Its okay to not be okay. So let's stop pretending. Let's prepare during our transitions, maybe from school to work or one flight to the next. Its okay to sit down during the transition and say, "Alright, lets go again. What do you want to show me?" If we can be content during these phases of our life, I think God will do incredible things. 

Day-To-Day Faith

I was looking out from the railing of the bridge. It was only a 20 ft. drop into water, but it was this idea of taking a jump. I was scared out of my mind, for those of you that don't know, I have a very natural fear of heights. I hate being high up and even looking down (much less jumping from said places), is terrifying. I eventually jump, it only lasts for a second or two, but for those two seconds, it feels like time slows down. I see myself hurtling toward the water, the scream escaping from my lips, and the undeniable thrill of doing something completely out of the ordinary. I feel like I am on that bridge again.


I am surfing the internet, looking for flight times and information. I am trying on my graduation gown, making sure that it fits. Preaching in chapel as a senior. Preparing myself for the inevitable goodbye. It is so hard to stay engaged in the place where I am at now but prepare for the place where I am preparing to go. A professor here told me (wisely I might add because he stole it from Yoda), "All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless."

This stopped me in my tracks. I have been so excited for the next step, ready to face it head on that I forgot to stop and look where I am at now. I miss the conversations to be had, the friendships to be strengthened, and the love to be shared. There is so much to be lived and so much to be done right here and right now. The world doesn't need another person wishing for a different future it needs people living in the here and now. Living in the future is not the answer nor is living in the past. The only way to truly live is to live in the present that God has given you and I.

Yesterday I just had to stop and go on a walk, clear my mind and talk with God. I walked on our greenbelt just down the road from our school and I enjoyed the creation that God has placed right here in front of me. I saw the beauty that he made in the here and now without worrying about where He will take me in the future. It was humbling and beautiful all in one picture. I am grateful, grateful that God continues to live and move in ways that I can't even imagine, grateful that God moves and breathes life into the people around me. I'm surprised at myself for wanting to move on from something that God obviously isn't through with yet.


  With that being said, when I go, you better believe I will go. I will run through that door and into the adventures that God has in store for me. I will jump from the bridge into the water. I will say the goodbyes and get onto that plane. But in the meantime, I will thank Him for the friends I have, the experiences I have enjoyed, I will enjoy Him in the silence, I will enjoy Him in the laughter, I will enjoy Him in the calm, and I will enjoy the life that God has given me.